Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
