morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
