I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
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