so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
