I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
