She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Randomize