i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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