Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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