I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
