tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
