I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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