I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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