I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
