you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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