she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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