I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
