Where is the hickey?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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