You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize