Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
