Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
