i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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