I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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