this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
