Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
