i just wanna soil my oats bro
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
