Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
