ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
