so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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