Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This baby is an asshole
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
