I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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