My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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