I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
