What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
