you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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