the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
