Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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