Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
