being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
