p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
