every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
then he tried to convert me to islam
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
