we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
