somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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