his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize