ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
