She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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