My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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