i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
