Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
