I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
