Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize