I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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