i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
