we have pet lesbian snakes
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize