Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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