i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
