The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
