I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
