Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
