you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
