last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
