So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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