dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I am naked and annoyed.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
