Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize