Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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