Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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