he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
