Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
