i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
