im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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