I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
