I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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