Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
