Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
