you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize