I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
