My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize