I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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