Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
