No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
