My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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