okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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