I think i peed on brittanys purse
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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