Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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