Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
