he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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